How To Set Boundaries

Boundaries, the instruction manual for how you expect to be treated.

They don’t always have to be verbalized. It would be exhausting to express to everyone you come into contact on a daily basis what your boundaries are. The most important person who needs to know your boundaries is you.

Define Your Boundaries

This is harder than It sounds. There are certain boundaries you wont realize until you are faced with a new situation. New situations bring about the need for new boundaries. As you change and grow your needs will change and so will our boundaries. This is a step that will have to be reassessed every so often. The key is to intentionally make time to check in with yourself. Here are a few prompts to get you started.

I think. I need. I feel.

Speak Up

Speak up, the way someone treats you is a reflection of who they are. A reflection of their own experiences, world views, personality, and often times a sign of how they treat themselves. I am a lover of words of affirmation. Recently I communicated this with a close friend fully expecting that she would meet reflect back to me love in this way. One day she may a trivial mistake and said aloud very self deprecating statement. It was then that I realized I cannot expect her to love me in a way she can’t love herself. I was expected something she did not have the capacity for. Thus, boundaries are for you. It is up to you to reinforcement. I reinforcement my boundary for positive affirmation by limiting my time with this particular person. Maybe one day they will grow into a more positive person able to express gratitude love and affirm herself with more loving kindness. Until then I know that I need and how much I can tolerate.

Reinforce and reflection

Reflect often on your boundaries and area in your life where you may need to adjust. Not every boundary is going to work in all situations. Give yourself grace as you learn and navigate the techniques and habits required to continuously reinforce your boundaries. Remember boundaries are for you. Respecting your limits is a sign of respect and love. For those who don’t it speaks to who they are not your worth.