Attachment theory is a concept in clinical psychology that attempts to explain human behavior as it relates to relationships. Attachment forms in early childhood largely based on the relationship with your early caretakers. It then shapes how we show up and relate to others in our adult relationships. Based on attachment theory by John Bowlbys work dating back to the 1950s.

These are the four adult attachment styles were identified:

1. anxious-preoccupied,

2. avoidant-dismissive ,

3. disorganized / fearful-avoidant, and

4. secure.

Attachment styles develop early in life and often remain stable over time.

People with insecure attachment styles might have to put some intentional effort into resolving their attachment issues, in order to become securely attached.

Consider this scenario. You just got a new hair cut and your partner doesn’t seem to notice. How would you react?

1 —

SECURE

You value relationships but also don’t fear being on your own. In relationships you opening express your emotions and find it easy to depend on your partner. You expect your needs to be met and are comfortable sharing your needs. You do not depend on the approval or responsiveness of others.

Learn more about attachment styles and how an insecure attachment style maybe holding you back from the love that you desire.

2 —

AVOIDANT

You describe yourself as strong, independent, and self sufficient you don’t need others for emotional support or to feel complete. In relationships you tend to hid or suppress your feelings wanting but fearing emotional closeness.

3 —

ANXIOUS

You describe yourself as an anxious adult who often seeks approval of others. There is a strong fear of abandonment, attention and care from your partner is a remedy for the anxious feelings.

Regardless of your attachment style you have the power to create a long lasting healthy romantic relationship. You will need some guidance to get there. Especially, if like me you didn’t get much coaching on relationships within your immediate family. More than just a relationship how to, this book has changed my mindset on who I want to be for my future romantic partner.